Kick Me, I’m Down

So I have been trying very hard lately to see the positive side of life and not let the negativity of it bring me down. Today I am failing miserably at this.

It all started last night when my 6 year old daughter decided to regal me with all of the things that make me a horrible mother, it was a surprisingly long list for her very short number of years. I honestly didn’t think I’d have to listen to that for at least 6 more years…I was very sadly mistaken 😦 This morning I attempted to shake it off, after all she was very tired last night and upset about something to do with a video game. But the day just won’t cooperate….AHHH! I can’t quit thinking about some of my apparent missteps that Anastasia rehashed. In truth I don’t play with her as often as I should and I don’t buy her everything she wants (I do not regret this last one in the slightest). I am in the mind set that a child should have to earn some things. These of course were just the tip of the iceberg…I wonder how many more atrocities I will pour upon her before she hits her teen years and puberty makes even those tiny things seem like giant mountains of failure? Sigh

Sadly this was not the only thing that weighed me down this day…oh no there was more to come. 

I am trying to open a business, one that will help children and the environment all at the same time. I won’t go into more detail here for my passion about it would carry me away. Unfortunately finding a bank that will loan me money is proving rough. Today I spoke with a very helpful women who said that she could probably help if I had some equity in my home. I told her that it has been about 7 or 8 years since an appraisal has been done. She kindly worked some computer magic and found that the county assess the fair market value of my house to be $65,899…something to feel good about since I bought my home for $63,500, that is until I tell her that I refinanced my house those years ago for over $70,000 because is was worth that much then. Needless to say I still owe about $68,000 on that mortgage. CRASH, BOOM, BANG! That would be the collapse of my hopes.

Shortly after this conversation I receive a phone call from a debt collector telling me I still owe the hospital money…shall I jump in front of the train that runs behind my house, or run away and change my name? 

BANG, BOOM, POW as they say in the comics, I am now flat on my back and staring at the ceiling and wondering what I did that was so bad I deserve to be kicked again and again. YES MAAM I AM RIDING THE SELF PITY TRAIN! 

I know that my problems are nothing compared to other people’s problems. Hey at least I have a house, a daughter and money coming into the bank (never mind that it leaves it just as quickly). And as they say tomorrow is a new day perhaps I’ll get off the pity train at the next stop, but for today…CHUGA CHUGA CHOO CHOO

Tomorrow will be better……..;)

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2 thoughts on “Kick Me, I’m Down

  1. try not to let what she says get to you. All kids say things to their parents when they are in a bad mood or mad they didn’t get their way.
    Yeah, stinks that our houses are appraising less than what we now owe on them. I’m in the same boat.
    It’s hard when you’re in that moment of self pity, sure other people have it worse, but it just doesn’t seem like it at that moment. Try to remember the good things you do have or think of something positive to lift your spirits. 🙂

  2. Don’t beat yourself up, dear heart–yes, tomorrow is another day, “Scarlett”, and the chances are at least equal that it will bring improvement…maybe even vast blessings. I’m praying for you–God bless you BIG.

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