Tomorrow is a hard day, who am I kidding…this whole week has been AWFUL! January 12, 2011 the day my world turned upside down and a new label stuck itself to my back and just won’t go away 😦 I have managed to avoid this label for the last 2 years. I am 34 years old, I should not have to use this label, check this box on forms, or say it out LOUD! It is a label that invokes the…pity face, the OMGs, and the “I’m so sorry”s. And to be quite honest, it is a label that evoked enormous FURY and sadness in me. So I avoided the word and pretended that I didn’t see that little box on forms for the past 2 years.
Something has changed
I don’t know what it is, but that word doesn’t evoke the same feelings anymore. I miss my Justin something terrible! I always will. But the word doesn’t make me as sad or angry as it used to. Maybe I am accepting my fate, maybe I realize its just a word, or maybe I am learning to make it a part of me. It doesn’t have to be the biggest part of me, and it most definitely isn’t the only part of me, but it is there. I cannot escape the life changing events that happened to me that year, but I don’t have to let them define me either.
So without further ado I will make my declaration now for all to read…
I am a…widow. Yes a widow, my husband has died and now I am a widow.
Hmmm…not so bad. Truth is truth I suppose. It often isn’t wanted(even when we ask for it). I am finding that this is so because Truth often has a sharp blade that cuts deep. But now that I have lived with this gaping wound that life and truth have carved into my heart, I find that the pain is dulling and the wound scarring, and the label of widow doesn’t have as potent effect as it once did.
Perhaps this young widow is growing? Perhaps she still has a future and a life yet to live?
We shall see what the future holds:)