Monthly Archives: September 2012

God’s Curtain

There is no veil, a thin and filmy thing

that hides heaven from our wondering eyes

No, not a veil that would let us see the merest hints of what’s to be.

No God has a curtain between this world and the next.

It covers everything and does it’s best to shadow and enclose those who have crossed.

Like the heavy curtains on a stage, velvet and soft

that block our views of the actors and activity beyond.

So heavy is that curtain that sound is muffled and drowned.

But wait…could it be a small slit, a parting in that heavy, velvet tapestry?

Or is it only my imagination, my head full of longing, my heart full of sorrow

Do I hear the whisper of my love or is it the whisper of the curtain?

 

 

I feel there should be more to this poem but I can’t seem to find the words so I have ended it there. I believe that heaven is not somewhere beyond the clouds but right here next to us. I think we brush that curtain everyday and don’t realize it. This belief keeps me going and when I am scared reassures me that I am not alone. I know this is different from my other posts but it was in my head and needed to be freed. I am going to start another blog soon, just an fyi. I believe that my life is out of balance, I think most people are out of balance to be honest. So my next blog is going to be about finding balance in this crazy world.

I started this blog originally to help me through the grief of last year. It has been very helpful in allowing me to find my strength and vent my grief and I may continue back here from time to time to add things as my journey from grief is not quite over. Thank you for everything.

 

 

Age Is Just A Number

Today is my birthday! Yeah for me! No I really do mean it. I am 34 years old today. I have been called an old woman and been told that I am still a baby. In truth age is just a number. My life has not been shortened just because there are more candles on my birthday cake. I don’t know if my death date has been set by some higher power, don’t know if my fate is written in stone…don’t think I really care. Well…maybe a little. My husband died at 34 just over month before his 35th birthday. He would have been 36 this past February. Today I have received a TON of birthday wishes and I have felt pretty happy. That being said I must admit to having a gray cloud roaming around in the back of my head. I have decided that it is in part due to Justin’s age when he died…partly because I have always had a fear of death, and partly because Justin isn’t here to make me a card and give me flowers. I know that I can’t do anything about how old justin was when he died and that someone else may give me flowers and a birthday card. So I guess that leaves the fear of death.

I decided to do a little bit of digging in my own head and here is what I came up with. No I am absolutely NOT having a mid life crisis ;). Yes I am afraid of dying but only because I love the people that are in my life now, I love this life. There is a lot of bad stuff and there are people that I miss who have passed on, but I am just not ready to go. And truth be told I may not have much control of when I do die so what’s the point of worrying? The other thing I have discovered is that I LOOOOOVVVVVE Birthdays so I want to have as many as I can. 

So here it is in a condensed version. 

AGE IS JUST A NUMBER!  Don’t let it rule your life. The number of candles on your cake doesn’t make you who you are, they just mean that you have had another year to learn, grow, and live. SO GO LIVE! Don’t hide in a corner just because the number goes up, get out there and put your stamp on the world! LIVE! LOVE! BE AS HAPPY AS YOU CAN BE! Don’t let someone tell you that you are too old, or too young, you are who you are, be the best you you can be 🙂

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!!!!!!!!!! 

And if today was your birthday too HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!!!!!!