Hello World, seems an appropriate title for this is my first ever blogging experience. I am not entirely sure what to expect with this blog. Closure, the ability to move on, or maybe just a way to let out all that I am feeling without having to throw something across the room, cry hysterically, or scream. Some people may read this and get excruciatingly bored and others might find it helpful. The truth is I am doing this blog for purely selfish reasons. I want to keep working on finding my new normal. Last year my life was turned completely and utterly upside down and inside out. It was like someone took the snow globe that is my life and shook it so hard that the glass almost cracked then set it back on the mantle to watch how the pieces would fall back to the bottom. I know some of you out there are nodding because this has happened to you, others of you are laughing or wrinkling your noses because you don’t quite get it. Either one is okay with me because, as I said, I am doing this for selfish reasons. So to get to the point, I am writing this blog to tell a story. It’s my story and I am going to start in the middle of it because this when it all fell apart. My story is like many others out there, it’s a little sad, but there are much sadder stories. I hope that as the story goes along it will get happier. So if you’re reading this stick with me for awhile and maybe you’ll find something in my story that will will help you with yours, or maybe it will just be a nice diversion from your own story.
To begin it is January 12, 2011, it is 6:45 in the morning and I am hauling myself out of bed wondering who the hell would call me this early in the morning. It was definitely not someone I knew, ’cause no one I knew would call me before at least 8am. As I rushed for the phone a hard knot grew in my stomach, this is because I suddenly knew who would be on the other end of the line so early in the morning. “Mrs. Prather?” the voice asked, and of course as much as I didn’t want to I said yes. I was told to come to the hospital immediately because my husband had been found on his bed unresponsive.
(To digress a moment: I now find the word “unresponsive” to be the most horrific word in the english language and cringe whenever it reaches my ear.)
I threw on clothes from the night before and left the house running taking my sister’s car and barely seeing the road. I screamed and cursed at my husband as I drove. I yelled at him to not leave, to still be there when I arrived. In truth I am not certain how I got to the hospital or how I parked the car or even how I got to the right floor. I do remember a voice whispering in my ear, “slow down, it’s a red light, turn here, don’t forget the keys,…. Justin’s room was to the right as I got off the elevator and there were people rushing in and out and standing all around. I heard a high pitched whimpering as I stared into his room. I realized the sound was coming from me but I couldn’t make it stop. Someone asked if I was his wife and had me sit in a chair outside of his room. That was when all of the questions started coming. I only remember some of them.
I’ll tell you about the questions next time. At the moment I have to pause in my story.